It’s time for frozen creeks, 30-degree breezes whistling through bare trees, cold mud, icy cleats, a relentlessly hard forest floor, and best of all – deserted trails. Welcome to winter riding.

This is not for the faint of heart. This is what separates mountain bike addicts from those who simply like to ride bikes. But if you follow these all-important tips, not only will you enjoy crispy-clear mountain views, but by spring you’ll have gotten stronger and still be wearing your skinny-pants:

Drink plenty of water. Dehydration is just as possible now as it was in the summer. Lots of water = lots of blood. Lots of blood = great circulation. Sweating and peeing mean your system is working well. Yes, the water is cold, and that sucks, but hot chocolate gums up the bladder valve, unless you’ve added enough white liquor.

Layer your clothing and pack an extra base layer. This is not a good time of year for naked riding. However, getting nearly naked on the trail may be necessary for the greater goal. Once through with the nasty climb, your thin base layer may be sweat-soaked. For this reason, wear wool instead of cotton. Stop whining about itchy wool or spend the extra bucks on 100% Merino. Otherwise, change into the dry base layer (I’m still waiting for a Merino sport bra to avoid cold, clammy breasts). A regular jersey comes next, under a long-sleeved wool or poly shirt; a thick, fleece-lined jersey that zips high; and finally a fleece-lined windbreaker vest that protects the butt from icy puddle splash. Windbreakers are especially key for the descent. Don’t forget thick tights. Leg and arm warmers are easy layers to add, remove and pack.

Wear bright colors to alert hunters you are not wild game, despite your delectable haunches. This is not the time to wear your antler toboggan.

Sock it to ‘em. Cold feet and hands can make or break a ride. Thick wool socks are key, as are wool glove liners. Practice phlegm projection. A long, arduous climb will result in thick mucous from the depths of burning lungs. Be sure to hack phlegm and shoot snot rockets onto the trail instead of onto your buddy’s chest or handlebars. Aim just to the front and side of your foot, directly into the ground. The novice will wear golden, sun-catching globs on their knees and shoulders. Practice phlegm projection and arc while hiking alone.

Plan shorter rides (and bring along plenty of snacks and fluids). The body has to work much harder in the cold. More calories are burned, and it takes more to heat the system. That means lots of gels and electrolyte drinks during the ride and protein afterward.

Be careful when choosing riding buddies. You don’t want to be standing around in the snow waiting. You’re more susceptible to cramping and the pooling of lactic acid. Both will cause next-day soreness and longer recovery. It is better to ride at a slow, even pace, keeping the blood flowing through muscles, than to ride hard and stop…ride hard and stop…

Loosen pedal tension for easier access by cleats in the event of snow and ice. Even a tiny bit of lube can keep ice clods from forming.

Best of all, your body continues to burn calories much longer after a winter ride than in summer. Change into dry clothes back at the trailhead and throw down on a plate full of carbs and protein as soon after your ride as possible. Now if only I can pull myself away from the woodstove and actually do it…

Superhero Mr. Freeze taught Bettina Freese everything she knows about superhero riding. She can be reached at Lulafree@aol.com.