Tattoo Removals and Restraining Orders

Here’s the thing about blondes: they really do have more fun. Dolly Parton—fun. Miley Cyrus—fun. Bat shit crazy, but fun. This bottle of whiskey sitting in front of me called “Blonde”—Fun. With a capital “F.”

Asheville-based Troy and Sons makes Blonde, putting a mixture of heirloom red wheat and corn into the mash—the wheat contributes a softness to the whiskey and the corn adds the sweet element you find in most bourbons.

Not that Blonde is a bourbon. There’s no age statement on the bottle, which usually means it isn’t aged the requisite two years to legally claim bourbon status. The good news is, this whiskey doesn’t need “bourbon status,” or a magical age-statement to be worthy of your time.

This is an incredibly smooth (thanks wheat), sweet spirit with huge notes of caramel and vanilla. There’s almost no heat, whatsoever—none of that characteristic whiskey burn. Like I said: F.U.N.

Troy and Sons uses oak barrels with a honeycomb pattern inside to enhance the aging. They say the result is a whiskey with more vanilla and caramel, and I believe it. This whiskey has a hell of a caramel backbone. It’s there in the nose, in the sip, in the after taste… The more I get into the bottle, the more notes of vanilla come out to play as well. Eventually, I get the feeling like I’m sucking on a candy bar. But that’s probably because I’m four or five glasses in. But whatever. I’m a journalist. This is research.

The danger, of course with this whiskey and all blondes, is that at some point, the fun ends. The bottle runs empty, the blonde shows her Miley Cyrus side. After that, it’s just the hangover. Tattoo removals and restraining orders.

Still, blondes are worth it.

–Beer Blog is a regular column on Sometimes we talk about other things. Email us if you have ideas for this column.