Now That’s Sick

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It’s hard to judge how soon after being sick one can take back to the bike. I guess it depends on what kind of sick it is, and what part of the body had it the worst.

I, for instance, was paralyzed in my bed on Sunday with an impromptu colon cleanse. I would like to add that Sunday is my day to ride all day if I want. The one day that I am free from the chains of sticky popsicle hands, dead worms, and mopping yet another pool of pee off of the kitchen floor from…whomever.

Imagine my surprise at 4 a.m. when I awoke nauseous and cramped into fetal position. The first thought is, “No! If I hold very still it will go away!” That lasted about two fragile breaths before lurching to the bathroom door in a very unquiet fashion. It’s important in my bedroom to be very quiet when navigating across the floor of Legos, sleeping puppies and laundry piles. SOME PEOPLE become very angry when such a trip becomes eventful.

Well it was eventful. I even had the audacity to flush.

I had just gotten back to about ten days of good running and riding with sporty new Hi-Tec trail shoes and a regular Tuesday night babysitter for rides when the shit literally hit the fan.

I spent hours depleting my body of every drip of fluid before collapsing into a crumpled heap. My body ached with desire to sweat, but there was nothing left. The fan carried the smell of frying bacon into my bed, heaving me back to the bathroom…again and again.

I fumbled for my phone to text for the delivery – from two rooms away – of a recovery drink that I had imagined I would be sipping at this very same hour, yet next to a cool stream with mud-splattered legs.

I texted again when I couldn’t stand long enough in the window light to read the Tylenol PM bottle instructions, only to learn that I was home alone as everyone was out hiking the Mountains to Sea trail. Children born to unmarried parents are called what? I guessed the dose, which resulted in my first two hours of blissful sleep, followed by a brave foray to the deck. All of this excitement resulted in a complete 12 hours of sleep.

I awoke feeling absolutely fine – just in time for a full day’s work. I couldn’t decide whether I was relieved by the timing due to the recent work schedule, or barmy.

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