The Benefits of Being a Bum

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I use the term “bum” in the best way possible.

Really, I prefer to think of myself as a resourceful minimalist.

Granted, I usually feel very much like the stereotypical idea of a “bum”: couch surfing from time to time, doing laundry and showering at my friends’ houses, poaching Internet whenever my wireless hot spot doesn’t work, always searching for the cheapest (i.e. best) campground…

Alright, yes. I am a bum. I admit it. But there are some benefits to being a bum that I feel are worthy of mentioning.

1. Everyone thinks you’re starving

and offers to feed you.

2. You usually smell ripe enough

that people don’t just offer their showers to you; they insist.

3. No one thinks you’re a vagrant.

In fact, most people think your transient lifestyle is rad.

4. When your kitchen is a Coleman stove,

being cheap suddenly becomes more of an acceptable trait.

5. You don’t have to dust or mow the lawn…

…or weed the garden or worry about crazy pubescent teenagers whacking your mailbox down.

6. You always know what the temperature is.


7. There is no disconnect between you and how much waste you produce.

If you don’t throw it away, it ends up on the floor of your car, so you end up being hyper-sensitive to how much trash you create.

8. You’re forced into becoming a morning person,

whether you like it or not.

9. Everything you’d ever need for anything is in the backseat of your car.

Great for you, kinda weird for your passengers.

10. You don’t notice when the power goes out,

because you don’t have any to begin with.

So, moral of the story, the next time you find yourself staring at your overgrown front yard, contemplating whether or not you should mow the lawn or take out the trash or build a fortress around your mailbox, consider saying “screw it” and just moving into your car.

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