The man in red has brought immense joy and wonder to kids across the world and across time. He is generous, jolly, joyful, and kind.

He can also be a big dope.

Playing the role of Santa on a local level requires several traits and skills the outdoor enthusiast knows all too well. Besides the standards of the stamina required to deliver gifts the world over in one night and the agility to hop along rooftops with nary a sound or stumble, there are the less obvious talents he must employ on Christmas. There’s the climbing up and down the chimney using raw strength and possibly a little parkour action. There is the enormous amount of cookie consumed, fuel for the big night like those guys who inhale Butterfingers on Everest. I’m assuming there is at least a little bit of skiing involved in the northern hemisphere. Despite his size and reputation for snacking, one has to think that Kris Kringle is one of the finest outdoor athletes out there.

Hope you enjoy these Santa Fails, and don’t make the same mistakes when you don the white beard. Your kids my never forgive you.