First of all, you should never drink whiskey on the ski lift. I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t lay that out there. Whiskey and skiing do not mix. It’s a bad idea. Don’t do it.
But if you do find yourself in a situation where whiskey and powder are mixing, there are certain rules you should follow.
Rule 1: Wear liners beneath your ski gloves. You’re gonna have to take your big, bulky gloves off to pull the flask of whiskey out of your chest pocket and unscrew the cap. It’s cold. The flask is metal. Your hands are made of skin. Liners will protect them. I feel like you should be writing this down. Are you writing this down?
Rule 2: In the immortal words of Smokey from Friday, “puff, puff give.” Skiing is a social sport, particularly on the lift when you’re trapped with one to three other people. Take a sip from your flask and offer it to your lift-mates. Stanley makes an incredible stainless steel shot glass set that makes sharing whiskey easy and hygienic.
Rule 3: Act natural. Don’t go out of your way to hide your flask from ski patrol or the liftees, but don’t shove your booze in their face either. For instance, don’t yell “I love whiskey,” from the ski lift. And don’t stop at the top of the ski lift to take a selfie with your flask in front of ski patrol. Especially if you ski in a dry county like I do.
Rule 4: Only fill your flask half way. You can tell yourself you’re gonna take it easy with the drinking before you hit the slopes, but once you get out there in the cold, and you’re sitting on the lift with nothing else to do but tip back the flask, one sip will lead to another and the next thing you know you have an empty Stanley and 1,500 feet of ice and vert in front of you.
Which leads us to rule #5.
Rule 5: Always wear a helmet. You’re drinking whiskey and skiing down a mountain of ice (this is the East Coast, after all). With trees on it. And other people. Dear God, please wear a helmet. And give trees and small children a wide berth.
Rule 6: Accessorize your whiskey flask. See that flask in the picture above? That’s a hand-knitted koozie around that flask. On the streets, we call that classy.
This has been a public service announcement. That is all.
