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Homemade Bike Porn

ROAM is by far my favorite bike video thus far. The film crews flow behind the most beautiful of riders for a perspective from the saddle in British Columbia, the desert, and even urban stuff via trials bike, all to the rhythm of Thievery Corporation.

It truly makes you want to get on your bike and ride. I was sorely disappointed when my son’s first-grade teacher wouldn’t allow the video to be shown during his semester presentation on bikes as machines. I told her to keep the volume off and that then it would be PG. Nope.

So imagine my surprise while watching the footage I took of my own descent down Kitsuma with my new Go Pro helmet camera.  First off, I breathe really heavily while climbing even the subtlest of hills. And the sound of snot slurping back up your nose? Not so dreamy. Then there’s the screeching of cold brakes as a turn appears in the distance. Laaaaame…At least I passed a dude. So what if he was on a rigid singlespeed. I SHREDDED HIM!

I kept wondering about the soundtrack. What would it be? Mostly I was bummed there wasn’t one while I was riding.

At least watching it later made us all laugh. It paled in comparison to the same descent filmed by Ben, whose balls are a bit larger than mine. He at least deserved a soundtrack. It might’ve drowned out all of his grunting. I’m beginning to understand the necessity of the soundtrack.

What I found fascinating is that the camera couldn’t really comprehend the steepness of the trail, nor the spikes of ice and thin layer of ice over the underlying thawing mud. It was quite treacherous, yet despite the good quality camera it was impossible to really appreciate the moment. Of course, what’s most silly about me saying that is that the camera is probably really great, but needs to be wielded by a professional. This also made me appreciate ROAM all the more.

What was really fun was saying things into the camera that I knew would be funny to hear later with everyone gathered around the TV with beers.

Trailers for ROAM show the film crew with cameras while on ziplines chasing riders through the forest and off of jumps. I jumped a few things and it looks more like I tripped with the camera. Never mind the bobbling of the camera on the top of my helmet, which kept sliding down over my eyes.

What it did allow, was a perspective of the woods I hadn’t seen before. After all, my eyes are generally riveted to the trail with my breath held. In the video I could see the distant mountain range, the narrow trail, the ridgeline we followed lined by pine and rhododendron. It was lovely.

At least it’s given me an idea…here comes another entry for “Strive Not To Drive” this spring.

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